


it's when you fall you writhe under me

by TVBS



Series: monsters [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Power Play, Weird Shit, compromised minds, reference to suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:41:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVBS/pseuds/TVBS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin wants to stop.</p>
<p>Michael can't stop.</p>
<p>And now they find where the line is drawn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's when you fall you writhe under me

Normally, he would be transferred to the psych ward. They needed the bed for other patients since he had woken up, and the red wound across his throat indicated a mental state that needed to be addressed. Asked why, followed down that rabbit hole so he wouldn't do it again, so he wouldn't have to see the inside of the hospital because death seemed a better option than living this hell. And he would see it alive, thanks to the monster he had become. He would reach out unconsciously to stay alive, force someone to get help and give him enough whatever it was to stay on this side of living.

As it was, being in the psych ward was the better option. He'd do less damage there, maybe even unlearn his monstrous behavior.

But goddamn it, being in the hospital was so bloody _boring._ Especially under suicide watch.

So Gavin couldn't help but yearn to be out and do something. His fingers itched for something to keep him busy, and he found himself wishing for a computer to do editing work. Just... _something._ His eyes turned over at the nurse keeping watch of him, making sure he wouldn't do anything stupid while they went through the paperwork to transfer him. They had talked about getting a psychologist in his room to talk to him... he suppressed a snort at that. What would he tell him? That he was a monster and needed to be put down so he didn't manipulate the people around him anymore? They wouldn't believe that. Or they'd misinterpret it. Gavin closed his eyes, letting his head sink back into the pillow. 

He knew he wasn't supposed to wake up. Even if he was kept alive, he knew he was supposed to stay in that coma. He _wanted_ to stay in that coma. But something- No. No, it wasn't something. Gavin knew exactly what forced his brain back, what gave him enough to open his eyes.

The memory of Lindsay sinking into Michael, her face looking almost corpse-like, sprung in front of his closed eyes. Michael had touched _her_ neck, like others had touched his to make him feel better... and she had, for a moment. But the motion had been possessive, keeping her for himself. Gavin's chest rose as he took a deep breath, trying not to shake. He had to be wrong about Michael. He had to be wrong, knowing Michael had used Lindsay so he could keep Gavin alive, to wake him up. No, he had to be wrong, that he didn't see that same monster staring out of Michael's eyes.

"Mr. Free?" Slowly, Gavin opened his eyes. A nurse stood in the doorway, holding his chart. They must have finally processed the paperwork. Funny thing about hospitals, they never show how long it actually took to do anything. He blinked away dark spots, trying to keep his mind blank. This was a good thing. Going into a place where he could do no harm to the people he cared about was a good thing. This was a- "Everything looks good. As soon as we unhook you from the IVs, you're ready to go."

Gavin laid there for a moment as the nurse sitting with him stood up, leaving. Go? "As in...?" he prompted, watching as he put the chart in its place on the door, his vision darkening horribly. The urge to leave surged, and he tamped it down. No, he didn't want to go. Not when he was feeling like this.

The nurse chuckled, coming over with various cotton balls and tapes. "You're being released into Mr. Jones's custody," he told Gavin casually, paying no attention to the growing horror on his face as he checked the swaths of bandages around Gavin's neck, brushing the nape easily before Gavin could stop him. He worked efficiently, stopping the drip and pulling the needle out only to tape a cotton ball to his hand. Squawks of outrage fell from Gavin's lips as he finished up, only to be ignored. For a moment, the nurse paused, then finished up as he shook his head. "And you're done. Mr. Jones is waiting for you in the parking lot, so as soon as we get the wheelchair..."

"This isn't right!" he finally sputtered. "I tried to kill myself! Shouldn't I at least have someone talk to me to see if I'll be okay?"

But the words fell on deaf ears. No, purposely closed ears. He wanted to go home so badly that his unconscious will made them release him, even though it would get them in trouble. Nothing he said penetrated, and soon he was helped into his clothes (different ones than the ones he was wearing before, he noted. Someone must have brought them when they heard), and lowered into the chair. He didn't need it, but something told them he did. Maybe something in him about how people in hospitals always were wheeled out, forcing them to act out that image? Gavin didn't know. But soon he saw Michael pacing in front of the doors, waiting for him as they opened.

Words stuck in Gavin's throat as he caught Michael's gaze, meeting something inside him.

* * *

No one questioned him back at work.

Gavin looked over at Michael, blithely cutting and pasting clips without noticing. They should have said something. Anything. But they said _nothing_. Gavin took a slow breath, leaning over to poke Michael. "What do you think you're doing?" he hissed as Michael pulled off his headphones.

"The hell you talking about?" Michael looked at him, irritated as darkness glittered under his glare.

"This!" Gavin made a small motion to everyone. "I know they all know about why I was in the hospital. Why hasn't anyone said anything? No one, not Geoff, not Burnie, not Matt... they should say something about it!"

"Maybe they're actually figuring out what tact is and using it?" Michael turned back to his computer, only to be poked again. "What the fuck do you _want_ , Gavin?"

"You know what I mean, you mong." Gavin narrowed his eyes, watching Michael drum his fingers on his table. "I know what you did to make me wake up. You know too, why I know. I don't want this. So it must be you."

Michael turned back to him, leaning in so his voice carried between the two of them. "Are you sure it's me, Gav? Yeah, I know, I can see it in your eyes. I'm not saying anything about you being in the hospital for fucking cutting your throat open because I don't want you to do it again. But are you sure it's not you wanting not to talk about it? Because it'd probably be better if Geoff pulled you aside to make sure you're up for actually being here." With those words, he went back to his work, leaving Gavin to gape at him.

The usual warning sign started darkening his vision as he went back to his work, making him pause. Now would be the time to go home. He just needed to make something up, how he didn't feel well. If what was happening was his fault, then he needed to go away anyway. Michael would guess, but he would be home before he realized it. Gavin started to save his work, trying to see past the darkness in his vision, the way his head started to nod. He just needed to-

Fingers brushed the back of his neck, giving him new energy and clearing his vision. Gavin turned his head up, eyes wide to see who he had ensnared, only to have his lips covered by Ray's. His hand cupped the back of his head, chasing everything away as Ray backed away and went back to his desk, eyes empty. Gavin looked over at Michael, seeing the self-satisfied smirk curling his lips.

"Take care of yourself, asshole, or someone will do it for you," he mumbled as everyone else worked around them, blissfully ignorant of what had just transpired.

* * *

If Lindsay could get out of her chair, it would be a miracle. Gavin watched as Michael lightly rubbed her shoulders, leaning down to talk into her ear before lightly running his fingers up and down her neck. She closed her eyes, a small smile that twisted Gavin's stomach crossing her face at the gesture. She didn't even know. Michael didn't even think to- Gavin watched him come back to his own desk, meeting Gavin's eyes. "What?"

"Stop doing that to Lindsay." Gavin rubbed his face as he sat down, trying not to lean forward and strangle the other man. "Don't you get what you're doing to her? How she looks?"

Michael towards the door, then shrugged. "I'm giving it back to her. She's okay." He met Gavin's gaze, the monster rising to the fore. "She's my wife. And if she didn't want to do it, she'd stop. That's not something I want her to do, but she's doing anyway."

Gavin couldn't say anything. He just sat back, mouth opening and closing. Was Michael really deluding himself that much? "You _idiot_ ," he finally spat out. "What do you think happens when you get those spots? Do you think that it just happens that people do that out of the kindness of their hearts? I never wanted Ray to kiss me, but he did it."

"Yeah, but I wanted him to take care of you," Michael said, puzzled. "So what? I knew Ray was up for that too. He'd take of me sometimes too. He's cool with it. The kiss thing is something he does for some reason. I just pushed it so you wouldn't actually feel shitty."

Nothing could pass his lips at the sheer amount of willful ignorance before him. Was Michael really feeding himself that kind of nonsense? Was he really being that blind? "Ray kissing you was because of me!" Gavin finally blurted out. "Bloody hell, Michael, I told you that! I thought you needed a kiss, I wanted to kiss you, and so Ray acted out that desire for me. I've been making Ray do things I've wanted to do myself. So when he was doing that for you, it was because of me!"

Michael snorted, but a look of unease wormed its way onto his face. "Not like you're that good," he mumbled. "Look, everything's okay. Lindsay's just a little tired-"

That did it. Gavin stood up, grabbing Michael's shirt and hauling him up with him. "Are you bloody mental?" he screamed, knowing this would be too much for the mind games they were playing on the rest of the Achievement Hunters. "Are you really not seeing what's going on?"

"Whoa, Gavin." Jack stood up, prying Gavin's hands loose. "Maybe you should take a walk and calm-"

"Can't any of you see what this knob is doing?" Gavin turned, gesturing to them all. "What happened to me? Why hasn't anyone said anything? Lindsay looks terrible, so why hasn't anyone said anything? Ray- haven't you seen what Ray has been _doing_? Don't any of you get it?"

Jack just looked at him blankly, and Gavin deflated. "Come on, let's get out of here. You need some fresh air."

It probably looked like he was just having a temper tantrum to them. Gavin looked over at Michael, who looked just as bewildered. "Fine," he muttered. "Don't you dare do anything else to them, Michael."

"I... don't want to," he said slowly, blinking as he sat back down.

* * *

Gavin pulled slightly on his hair, trying to concentrate. Yesterday, he had taken a walk when he felt like this, waiting outside, and the feeling had passed. His vision had cleared by itself. So it was temporary, he could suppress it and not hurt anyone. And if he could just get Michael's head out of his arse, he would be able to teach this to Michael too. Gavin took slow breaths, waiting for his vision to clear. It was taking longer this time, but it'd pass. He'd be okay.

He heard someone walking up to him and he whipped his head toward the sound, letting out a long breath when he could make out Michael around the edges. "I'm okay," he told him, rubbing his face. "It passes, Michael. You don't have to hurt anyone with it."

"Gavin, the way it works is you have to make them do it, right?" Michael's words sounded like he didn't quite believe them anymore. "I tried it out while you were... And that's how it worked for me. So whenever I didn't do anything, whatever they did was just what they wanted to do."

That caused a bitter laugh. "No." Gavin shook his head. "No, my boi, it's not. We're monsters. What we do is make them work to our will, conscious or otherwise."

Michael still looked unconvinced at that, coming closer. The closer he came, the more Gavin just wanted to grab him. To make him understand, to take him by the hair and-

His hands were already rising when he realized what Michael was doing unconsciously. "Do you see black spots?" Gavin croaked out, pulling his hands back quickly and taking a step back. He almost put his hands on the back of Michael's neck, giving in to his hunger.

"Yeah, but no one's here that'd do that for-" He broke off as Gavin glared at him, head rising as anger sparked in his own eyes. "What the fuck is that look for?"

"You almost made me do it." Michael blanched at the words as Gavin rubbed his forehead. This was making his headache worse, making the darkness worse. "You don't get it, do you, boi? We're _monsters._ We're doing this without thinking about it, and manipulating the people around us. And we need to find a way to stop it. Don't you understand? You're killing Lindsay doing this. I would be the same if I hadn't realized it and pushed Meg away."

Michael's eyes flashed at those words as he took a step forward. "I am not killing Lindsay," he told him in a low voice. "I would never do anything like that to her."

Gavin took a step towards him, his hands clenching into fists. "She looks like death, Michael."

With just a growl as warning, Michael twisted into a punch, catching Gavin in the cheek. He stumbled back, the blow stunning him for a moment. That was all Michael needed. He descended on Gavin in a storm of rage, another punch coming to his ribs, then another driving up to knock the breath out of him. Gavin fell to his knees as he gasped for air, trying to make sense of the situation. Michael twisted a hand into his hair, hauling him back up, and shoved his lips onto Gavin's.

It was nothing more than a parody of a kiss. Hard, meaningless, emotionless, Michael just pressed his lips to Gavin's. His other hand came up to hold Gavin's head to his, cupping the back where neck met- Gavin went still as he felt fingers on the back of his neck, the pain receding. Slowly, Michael pulled back, his eyes blank before something horrible fought its way back up, breaking the induced state. He let Gavin go, breathing heavily. "Fuck. Gavin. That was- I didn't- How did you-"

"That's what I mean, Michael." Gavin touched his lips, closing his eyes against the sight of panic flitting across Michael's face. "This is what's happening to us. This is what we need to stop."

"I... I don't know how." Michael's small voice dropped between them, filled with the realization of what had just happened.

And the fact Gavin appeared much, much stronger than him.


End file.
